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I keep forgetting the last time I felt brave, I just recall insecurity since back then, when I met one of my most terrible fears. And it keeps rushing through my mind like a tidal wave, sweeping sorrow all over my thoughts and making a mess out of my emotions. Many tidal waves are hit my harbor everyday and I can feel how I get dizzy because of the cold and the state of lethargy make me shake. The fire at the top of this dark lighthouse is bursting out in ashes and betraying me when I confess I need it. I dream with giant waves at night, shattering my whole mind and taking out remote thoughts of destruction. I’m so tired of looking through my telescope at destructive waves crossing the dark sky filled with thunderclouds but I can’t recall the last time I felt strong enough to let go of my telescope’s view.
Now, my harbor is surrounded by thunderstorms and heavy rain but each time I try escape from the storm, a tidal wave sweeps fear over my heart. And I forget the last time I felt brave, brave enough to fight this downpour and to resist through these waves. I don’t know where my strength has gone. Someone abandoned me here, someone got scared of me, someone is bringing such a big amount of water to my shores. But I can barely get up.
Because I’m always being hit by the storm and submerged my darkness. Because each time I look up, all see is my tears forming an impotent tidal wave.
It’s been a while! This is a post half like trying to thank you for waiting (for those who waited) all this time I have been absent (there are only two words about it: International Baccaleureate) and it’s probably a bad reward but don’t worry, there are better things coming, promised. Late Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year 😉